You’ve probably heard that there are 6 or 7 types of boundaries. Emotional boundaries. Physical boundaries. Mental boundaries. Sexual boundaries. The list goes on.
But those aren’t actually types of boundaries. Those are contexts in which you set boundaries.
Knowing you need an “emotional boundary” doesn’t actually help you set one. It’s like knowing you need to cook dinner but having no idea how to use a stove. The category doesn’t give you the skill.
So let’s talk about the only two types that actually matter and more importantly, the two that will actually teach you how to set them.
What are Boundaries?
Boundaries are personal guidelines you create in order to maintain self-respect, your sense of peace, and your quality of life. They define how you allow others to treat you and how you treat yourself.
Boundaries can be simple, like not answering work emails on weekends, or more complex, like deciding how much emotional energy to invest in certain relationships.
Responsive Boundaries
The first type of boundary is the one that you’re probably most familiar with, responsive boundaries. Responsive boundaries are boundaries you set in the moment or shortly after a situation has occurred.
Example: During a conversation, a friend keeps interrupting. In the moment, you let it slide but later realize it made you feel dismissed. So you go back and address it.
This type of boundary usually brings up lots of feelings which is exactly why they can be so hard to set. Before you can respond effectively, you need to understand what you’re actually feeling and why.
That’s a whole process in itself. But once you have that clarity, you’re in a much better position to address what happened and communicate what you need going forward.
Proactive Boundaries
The second type of boundary you can set is a proactive boundary.
Proactive boundaries, what we like to call standards, are actually born from the experiences you set responsive boundaries around.
I’m pretty sure you’ve been told at least once you need to set standards, “raise your standards”, that’s what we’re talking about here.
Instead of waiting for a similar situation to happen again, you set a standard around that situation.
Example: Based on your previous experience of being talked over, you’re able to communicate what you need clearly in the moment because you know where you stand on that matter.
Now that you understand boundaries as either proactive or responsive, you can stop asking “what type of boundary is this?” and start asking yourself a more useful question: Do I know what I need and am I communicating that?
At first, it can be hard to find your voice while setting boundaries, but with practice, communicating yourself in situations like this becomes easier.
Which one should you start with?
Whether you’re new to setting boundaries or have tried many times before and it hasn’t worked, the Personal Standards Playbook is the perfect place to start.
It’s a self-paced course that walks you through building proactive standards you can actually live by — so you’re not having the same hard conversation over and over again.
By the end of it, you’ll:
✔️ Know exactly what you’re available for before anyone has a chance to put you on the spot
✔️ Stop second-guessing yourself in hard moments because you’ve already made the decision
✔️ Have the language to say what you need clearly — without over-explaining or giving in
✔️ Start recognising when something doesn’t feel right and actually do something about it before it becomes a bigger problem
✔️ Create more space, time, and peace in your daily life — just from knowing where you stand
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